23-year-old single mom of a 1-year-old refuses to take in her friend's 1, 3, and 7-year-old kids after they get taken away by CPS: 'She insinuated that if her kids got placed with the state, it would basically be my fault'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 23, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

She can't house four children; she's barely hanging on with her own baby.

If you've ever been on an airplane, you know that in case of an emergency, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. That might seem like intuitive instructions, but many people instinctively help others before ensuring they're okay first. It's drilled into parents that they need to put their kids before themselves at every juncture, and that's not always the best practice. A mother can't be the best mother to her child if she is not taking care of herself, and making self-care a priority is a lot easier said than done. 

There's a famous quote about putting your own house in order, which can be interpreted in many different ways. I think one helpful interpretation is that you really can't help someone else with something you haven't mastered yourself. You can't feed your neighbor if you don't know where your next meal comes from, and that's not selfish. It is basic self-preservation. If you offer to babysit your sister's kids when you're on the verge of breaking down from the stress of caring for your own kid, that act of service is going to do more harm than good to everyone involved. 

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  • Am I the bad guy for not taking my friends kids when CPS asked me to?

    I (23F) have a close friend who's been struggling with some serious issues lately, and it reached the point where CPS got involved. She has three kids 1, 3, and 7. I've known them since they were born, and I love them a lot.
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482

  • The young mom in this story is struggling to stay afloat. She can't bear to take on more responsibility than she already has, but that won't stop her friend from asking her to take in her three kids.

  • Three little children at home together
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When everything happened, CPS contacted me asking if I could take them in. As much as I wanted to, I had to say no. I stay with a friend right now, and honestly, my own environment isn't the most stable either. I have a one-year-old myself, and I've been dealing with some postpartum depression and anxiety since having my baby. I'm
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • doing my best, but it's been a lot. I also am in a very unstable relationship with my child's father and don't even want ourselves in this situation, let alone someone else's children. And on top of that, I just started a hospital job that has me on call and finding childcare for my one was hard enough.
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • A group of small school kids with teacher sitting on the floor in class learning sciences
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I just didn't feel like I could give three more kids the care and attention they deserve, not in the situation I'm in right now. It broke my heart, but I knew if I said yes, I'd be doing it out of guilt, not because I was truly capable of giving them what they needed.
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • Afterward, my friend made me feel awful about it. She insinuated that if her kids got placed with the state, it would basically be my fault. Saying "Do you understand that the things they were asking was the difference between the kids getting taken and placed with the state? They almost did
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • that, they almost had to do that" after I told her about my convo with the CPS person. That hurt because it's not like I caused any of this I'm just trying to survive and be a good mom to my own baby. And having my own baby, I know I'd never do what she did to put herself in that situation.
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • I still feel guilty, but I keep reminding myself that love doesn't always mean saying yes. So... AITA for saying no when CPS asked me to take in my friend's kids?
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • Woman carrying baby with pacifier in mouth
    via Alexander Grey

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Away-Elephant-4323 I am in shock your friend is putting a single ounce of guilt on you for not taking in her children that are about to be taken away due to her own actions, you did nothing wrong and are completely right about those kids deserve a good stable home, if your struggling yourself i respect you for realizing they wouldn't have a stable home with you right now, i am sure you're an amazing person but good on you for knowing you can't take care of three extra children, it's a horrible s
    via u/Away-Elephant-4323
  • Jolly-Carob4482 OP Thank you. I love those kids so much and I refuse to be yet another person to disappoint them with inadequate care. My mommy hormones make me capable of doing all the things for my own baby but circumstances sometimes make it feel like even they aren't getting everything they need and deserve.
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • WatercolorCurtain NTA. It's not your fault if her kids got placed with the state. You're not able to care for three extra kids right now. It's honestly kind of wild CPS would want you to take them when you don't even have your own place to live right now.
    via u/WatercolorCurtain
  • Jolly-Carob4482 OP That's what I thought! I told them I wasn't in my own place and they said "well can they stay with you a few days?" Like it's not up to me
    via u/Jolly-Carob4482
  • Shadow4summer And tell your friend the reason they go to the state isn't your fault by not taking them in, it's her fault for getting them taken away.
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • fuchsnudeln NTA. For a start you are not responsible for her making bad big girl choices and ending up in the situation she's in; her kids are NOT your responsibility. Yes, in an ideal world, you'd have been able to help out but as you said you have a kid of your own to look after and your living situation isn't exactly stable; adding more kids to it would have made that worse for everyone involved (her kids, your kid, your friend, you, etc...) If she has a problem with it she can get her shit t
    via u/fuchsnudeln
  • Intelligent Yam 3609 NTA. And even if you were 100% on top of things in a stable relationship with lots of bandwidth you would still be NTA for saying no.
    via u/Intelligent_Yam_3609
  • ciaracheyann3 NTA. You made a responsible choice, not a selfish one. Taking in three kids when you're already struggling would have helped no one, especially them. It's heartbreaking, but knowing your limits is part of being a good parent and friend. You didn't cause this situation, and you shouldn't carry the weight of her mistakes.
    via u/ciaracheyann3
  • Various_Scale_6515 As a person that took on 3 children in this way, NTA. I had resources, age, a good marriage, and it is still so hard and stressful, and would be even worse to keep moving them around. Kids in these situations usually require a lot more care and patience than children from stable homes. Whether or not it is temporary is up to the state. Also, sometimes people will kind of give up on getting their children back if they are in the care of someone they trust.
    via u/Various_Scale_6515
  • FairyCompetent NTA. This person is not your friend. She is not a good parent either if she was pressuring you to take her kinds into an unstable situation. Distance yourself from this person.
    via u/FairyCompetent
  • KoolJozeeKatt You live with a friend. You were asked to take in not one, but THREE children, who are very young. You don't have a stable home. What would your friend think when 3 more kids showed up? You could lose your home, and then what? Would that help the children? You also have an unstable relationship, AND you are dealing with postpartum depression. Not a good combo in my opinion! The children need a stable, loving environment. Yours is anything but. Take care of your own child. It is not
    via u/KoolJozeeKatt

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childcare Babies single mother baby cps toddler kids mother crazy things parents say child protective services friends bad parenting bad parents mom children
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